Listen, I hate Tom Brady as much as you do, but I wasn't about to turn down the chance to ask one of the iconic stars of the NFL some questions. Don't judge me, you'd do the same thing in my shoes.
Anyway, here's what the hated field general had to say to us:
1. Tom, thanks for answering our questions. First, what's the toughest part of the game for you?
TB: I would have to say it's all the attention off the field. On the field, I'm just one of the guys, but off the field, I have a lot of people clamoring for my time and image. I attribute that to smelling great, and I attribute smelling great to Stetson. It gives me that "cowboy musk" that really helps me throw for the touchdowns.
2. You and Randy Moss have developed a tight relationship. Do you hang out together off the field?
TB: Not so much, I'd say we have different interests, which is healthy for a team. I've asked him to come along when Volmer and I go shopping for chaps, but he's just not into it. That's ok, it doesn't affect how easy it is to throw Randy in the endzone.
3. What's fatherhood been like for you?
TB: It's great. I've actually learned a lot more about motherhood though from helping to give birth to a whole new line of scents by Stetson. Having kids is a blessing, but so is working with the great olfactory artists at Stetson labs. Our newest creation is called Vaquero. It's got the same rich tones of the original Stetson, but also has just a hint of salsa.
4. Where do you keep your Super Bowl rings?
TB: I have a display case where I keep all my favorite rings. Some times I get them all out and have a ring party. I'll wear up to 21 rings at once!
5. If you weren't a football player, what would you be?
TB: A rapper. Rap is my first love.
6. Imagine you win the Super Bowl this year. How will you celebrate?
TB: I'll just chill out with Gisele and some close friends. We'll toast with some champagne. Whatever we do, it'll blow your mind how I celebrate in such a normal, relateable way.
7. How do you handle criticism?
TB: I use it as motivation. Some times things people say are really unfair. What really gets me is when people throw around innuendo or homosexual slurs about me. That kind of stereotyping and hate speech is never funny. Unless it's done by Sean Hayes. Then it's hilarious!
8. What's your favorite memory?
TB: It has to be that one episode where Jack and Rosario get married.
9. I mean on the football field...
TB: Oh yeah, of course. I know this will sound weird, but one time I threw a short touchdown to Wes, and he spiked the ball, and it bounced up and hit him in the crotch. It was hilarious. We all laughed about it for the rest of the game. After the game, we all bounced balls off our crotches. That's what life is about. Celebrating in totally relateable ways, you know?
10. Are you worried about replacing Wes Welker's production next year?
TB: Yeah, at first I was freaking out, then Bill, said calm down. We still have Julian. And I was like, the team chef? And he was like, 'No, Edelman'. And I was like, we have a guy named Julian Edelman? But then I was like, hey, that's perfect. If anyone could replace Wes Welker it would be Julian Edelman, right?
11. You get the Colts in Foxboro this year. Excited?
TB: Very. My boy Peyton and I are on the outs right now. I wanted him to do a charity video with me, but he turned it down. I mean, what's wrong with "I'm a little bit country and I'm a little bit street"! And it would have benefited a great cause. Greater Boston Kid Relief.
12. Wow, that's great that you want to help children.
TB: No, not children baby goats.
Ah. of course.
Thanks to Tom Brady. I've never met a more relateable guy.