Revised Star Wars Predictions-2007
We asked ourselves, "How should we present our predictions for the season?" Using Star Wars characters was the obvious answer. Actually, Star Wars is the answer to most important questions.
|
Prediction |
AFC EAST |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
| New England
11 - 5 |
  |
Emperor Palpatine
Keeps Darth Vader (below) on a tight leash. Used to be terrifying, but now is just old and wrinkled. |
As evil as ever. |
| New York
10 - 6 |
  |
Darth Maul
The threatening apprentice. Knows what he's doing, but will still end up sliced in half at the bottom of a reactor shaft. |
Count Dooku: Wound up unable to throw the ball. |
| Buffalo
6 - 10 |
  |
Biggs
He was right there until the end, then he blew up.
|
See the Dallas game (Week 5). |
|
Miami 5 - 11 |
  |
Jar Jar
Bumbling moron. |
"The ability to speak doesn't make you intelligent." |
|
Prediction |
AFC NORTH |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
| Baltimore
12 - 4 |
 |
The Death Star
Incredible defense against a large scale attack, but has a tendency to implode. |
Droid Control Station: Same basic idea, much less effective. |
| Pittsburgh
10 - 6 |
  |
Sebulba
Wins a lot of pod races, but has been known to cheat. The shot at another title was undone by an ugly crash.
|
Fell apart at the finish line. |
| Cincinnati
10 - 6 |
  |
Crix Madine
Imprisoned, but he broke out just in time to lead a major offensive. |
Super Battle Droid: Big guns, but was ripped apart by anyone competant. |
|
Cleveland 3 - 13 |
 |
Jawas
They are small, brown, and constantly trading for junk. |
Ewok: Small, brown, and moderately effective. |
|
Prediction |
AFC SOUTH |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
|
Colts 11 - 5 |
  |
Luke Skywalker
You aren't sure he is going to get it done in the end, but you can't imagine the story ending any other way. |
Cut off his hand? No problem, he'll replace it. |
| Jaguars
10 - 6 |
 |
Salacious Crumb
Sort of menacing at first glance, but easily defeated by lesser heroes. |
Gammorrean Guard: Huge and fearsome, wields an axe. |
| Houston
6 - 10 |
 |
Bantha
Slow moving herd animals who are easily mastered. |
Still at the back of the pack.
|
| Tennessee
6 - 10 |
  |
Admiral Piett
Competent leadership that is constantly failed by its underlings. |
Grand Moff Tarkin: Deserves a promotion. |
|
Prediction |
AFC WEST |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
| Chargers
14 - 2 |
  |
Darth Vader
Very frightening, but never lived up to its incredible potential. |
Not as good as he could have been. |
| Denver
9 - 7 |
  |
Admiral Ackbar
A brilliant strategist who always seems to fall into traps. |
Couldn't "repell firepower of that magnitude." Probably should have retreated. |
| Kansas City
6 - 10 |
  |
Taun Taun
You have to be careful because they'll let you ride them to death. |
"And I thought they smelled bad on the outside." |
| Oakland
3 - 13 |
 |
Storm troopers
They may look tough, but they aren't. |
Shows signs of life, but still folds when it counts. |
|
Prediction |
NFC EAST |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
| Dallas
11 - 5 |
  |
Young Obi-Wan
Has talented protégées, but it all could go horribly wrong. |
Time to get a worried look and say, "That's no moon." |
| Philadelphia
10 - 6 |
  |
Mace Windu
Nearly defeated the Emperor. (Also McNabb would look badass wielding a purple lightsaber.) |
"This party's over." |
| New York
8 - 8 |
  |
Princess Leia
Sibling of the chosen one. |
An underdeveloped talent. |
|
Washington 7 - 9 |
  |
Jabba
Rich and bloated. |
Still a formidable opponent. |
|
Prediction |
NFC NORTH |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
| Chicago
12 - 4 |
  |
Anakin
Brash and talented, but has no arm. |
Evil Anakin: Too much bad Rex. |
| Minnesota
6 - 10 |
  |
Mon Mothma
Really, really boring. |
AT-AT: Mammoth ground weapon that goes down surprisingly easy. |
| Green Bay
6 - 10 |
  |
Yoda
Green and 800 years old. |
Dueling Yoda: Regained some former glory, but still sort of limps around. |
| Detroit
6 - 10 |
  |
Admiral Ozzel
"He is as clumsy as he is stupid." |
Same bad result despite flashes of brilliance. |
|
Prediction |
NFC SOUTH |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
| New Orleans
12 - 4 |
 |
Wedge
His presence is nearly inexplicable, but he's going to be there in the end. |
Porkins: Too slow on the defense. |
| Carolina
7 - 9 |
  |
Millennium Falcon
A favorite of everyone's, but may break down at exactly the wrong time. |
Refurbished, but too many old parts. |
| Tampa Bay
3 - 13 |
  |
The Naboo Squadron
Lots of pilots, none of them any good. |
X-Wing Squadron: Found some good piloting after all. |
| Atlanta
2 - 14 |
  |
Han Solo frozen in carbonite
You couldn't be more screwed. |
"He's alive and in perfect hibernation." |
|
Prediction |
NFC WEST |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
| Seattle
10 - 6 |
 |
The planet Kamino
Wet, rainy and wet. |
Snow-speeder: Always in the air. Could have trouble adapting to the cold. |
| St. Louis
9 - 7 |
 |
Kit Fisto
Impressive looking warrior who is too easily defeated by the dark side. |
Zam Wessel: Too injured to fight back. |
| Arizona
9 - 7 |
  |
Slave Princess Leia
Always the sexy pick, but ends up choking you to death. |
Everyone will love them again next year. |
| San Francisco
6 - 10 |
  |
Bail Organa
A rich lineage in formal attire. |
Noble stand at the end hurt the empire. |
