SI's Michael Silver has never been one of my favorite writers, but today he threw down a major league "Whaaaaaa.....?" After apparently smoking crack for a couple of hours, Mr. Silver decided to publish a list ranking the NFL owners from 1-32.
Not surprisingly, he ranked the Patriots Bob Kraft first. Silver loves all things Patriots, and clearly, Kraft is a top if not the top owner in the NFL. The problem starts once we scroll down to try and find the Colts Jimmy Irsay. He turned the Colts into a winner, kept them in Indianapolis, got the new stadium done, and busted his hump to try and bring the Super Bowl to Indy. Plus, he's a freaking cool guy. So he has to be top 5 right? Let's see...
#2-Jerry Jones-Ok whatever, he's super rich, has 3 rings, billion dollar stadium that he's paying for himself...no argument (even if he is kind of an ass)
#3-Jerry Richardson of the Panthers-consistent winner in an area where they have to build tradition from scratch; he'll get no real argument from me.
Here's where it gets weird:
#4 The Glazers in Tampa-What? These guys have RUINED this franchise. They inherited a Super Bowl caliber squad from the previous regime, along with a new stadium built on Tony Dungy's back (who they unceremoniously dismissed upon taking control). Now, the franchise is a joke. They are KILLING the Bucs. Terrible, Terrible, terrible. Silver's own writeup on them reads like an argument why they SHOULDN'T be top 20. Lousy job Silver.
#5 Daniel Snyder-Ha. Ha ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA. Silver says he just wants to win too badly. Well, congrats Dano, you are bad at winning. Silver...WTF?
#6 Jeffery Lurie Eagles-Great owner, turned the team around. Totally legit.
#7 Bob McNair Texans-Here's where I caught on to the fact that Silver's just yanking our chain. He really put this guy in the top 10
Silver gives away the real reason he likes McNair (right after ripping him for being too cheap/stupid to draft Reggie Bush and Vince Young-who though I think he sucks, was a perfect fit as the hometown boy); McNair runs a 'media friendly organization'. Silver you sycophant. Ugh. Guys like you are the reason blogs were invented.
#8 Wayne Huizenga, Dolphins-Good Lord, man. PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! What, did he just draw these names out of a hat? Again, Silver spends the entire blurb just ripping him. Worst. Column. Ever.
#9 Dan Rooney-aaaaaah, 9 spots in and we finally get to the gold standard of NFL owners. Should be number one. He's the one everyone else should model themselves after.
#10 Pat Bowlen Broncos-Always has teams in the hunt. Easily a top 10 guy.
and finally we get Jimmy in at #11. Silver spends most of the article gushing on him, before noting (and I quote), "I could complain about the franchise's Draconian approach to media relations," First off, you just tipped your hand, Berkley boy. Now we know what you had in mind when you ranked these guys. Secondly, by saying that you would complain...YOU'RE COMPLAINING. geeze. Moron.
My list of the top 10 would look like this:
Rooney, Kraft, Jones, Irsay, Richardson, Lurie, Allen (Seattle), Bisciotti (Ravens), Bowlen, Green Bay Packers Inc (just because it's awesome).
One thing I did like about this piece was Silver KILLING the Jags owner:
"Last year the man I nicknamed Whine Weaver couldn't crack the bottom eight, but he gets more annoying by the week. First and foremost, he fought to put an expansion franchise in a lightweight town, yet he can't stop crying about his status as a small-market owner and demands revenue-sharing as though it were his birthright. Weaver also, as one owner says, "constantly denies his team is for sale when everyone knows full well it is."
Oh man, if there is a more unintentionally hilarious franchise out there than the Jholes, I don't know what it could possibly be.